She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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