All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
