I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
