Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize