I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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