nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
