His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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