I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
