she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
