Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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