u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
