I CAN MOONWALK!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
