YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
