I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
