I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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