With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
