If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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