I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
