Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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