you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
