I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
