can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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