dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
