I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
