Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
