State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
