Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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