Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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