Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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