Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
