jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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