I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
