Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
