dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
