Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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