I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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