I hate your face
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
