My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
