so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
