Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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