help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
