Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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