never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
