i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
