fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a search helicopter?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
