Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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