Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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