Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
