end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
