Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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