Jerry, you need to find god
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My bed smells like the plague
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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