You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
