dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
