Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize