She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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