Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
