the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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