It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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