It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
