I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
