someone threw a dead crab at me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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