Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
