Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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